I don’t remember what it was, but something tweaked me the other day. Someone said something to me, and I knew I was being overly sensitive. Touchy or not, I needed to get away for a couple of minutes to give myself a talking to – a “put your big girl pants on” speech.
I couldn’t do it at my grey cube smack dab in the middle of cube world.
I couldn’t do it in the mile-long hallway. After all, what if people saw me?
Aha! Why hadn’t I thought of it sooner?! The Ladies Room.
I opened the swinging bathroom door, making sure to put my hand above the mass of fingerprints by the handle. I had to make sure the coast was clear. It didn’t look like anyone was in there. It didn’t sound like anyone was in there. Shhhhh….wait….for a minute….ok. Clear!
I locked myself in a stall and began to talk myself through letting go of whatever silly little thing had gotten under my skin. Aloud.
“Grow up, Blondie. Grow up. It’s not that big of a deal.”
No sooner had the words left my mouth than…
*crinkle* *crackle* *scuff*
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I stopped breathing. I shook my head in disbelief. I had waited so long to listen for someone even breathing in the bathroom! How could I have missed the person in the stall in the corner?!
I certainly couldn’t leave now. Risk being seen? Identified? Caught in the act? No. I had to wait it out.
After a couple of minutes (well, probably more like seconds), I realized that Suzy Silent Stall wasn’t gonna leave either. Clint Eastwood’s showdown music whistled in the background: this would be a wait-it-out show down!
Time ticked on. We kept to our stalls. I started to sweat (not really, but it makes the story better). I had to get back to work, but what if at the exact moment I tried to escape Suzy Silent Stall came out? What would she say? Who would she be? If we saw each other, we would know what had happened forever. We could never look at each other the same way again.
Suddenly, as if the cube world angels knew my plight, the swinging entrance door with all its fingerprint glory started to open. Someone else entered the bathroom. This was my chance to escape.
I flushed the toilet for effect to let Suzy know I was leaving. My heart started racing. I slid the lock open, completely bypassed the sinks (too much risk), and darted out the door.
I got back to my desk, breathed, and whatever had bothered me disappeared.
Until we meet again, Suzy Silent Stall.









